It should be noted that while the internet is a great communication tool for those who are anti-social, shyness can still occur. With online games you’re probably too busy killing stuff and getting loot to be shy; the shy one loses out on the loot. On the other hand, joining an online forum is like joining an existing group of friends. You’re going in as an outsider.
I love online forums as I love to read the various viewpoints on an issue but I don’t have much to say myself. Unfortunately this tends to lead into a practice called lurking. Lurking is where you hang around a message board, listening to everyone speak without saying anything yourself and because of the way the internet works, if you don’t say anything, no one knows you’re there. This may come off as creepy but in practice it’s somewhat like going to a seminar, debate or conference. Because the conversations happen in public space it’s somewhat like going to see a person speak. There are probably lots of people in the hall and most of them won’t speak nor will the speaker address them individually. This is the nature of the internet; thousands of invisible watchers.
The problem came when I realised that I had lurked on a single board for so long that I had begun to recognise the various personalities of the board, their traits, quirks, opinions and worldviews. I knew so much about these people and they didn’t even know I existed. This is a lot like celebrity culture in a way except that these people didn’t set themselves up as celebrities. These people were just having conversations with their friends and I, the invisible watcher, was listening to the whole thing. This came off as unnervingly creepy to me.
So I joined the forum.
But I was too scared to post anything.
I didn’t want to talk to anyone because my anti-social fears came back. I imagined the other forumgoers thinking ‘Who is this chick? Why does she think she can talk to me?’
Luckily not all conversations involve direct dialogue, often a person will just post a question and invite everyone to post their opinion. I did this rarely and only in topics in which I had something to say. I would never go as far as to make a topic myself, that would bring too much attention.
Then the forum initiates this new rule that only people who have made a certain amount of posts could have access to certain privileges. So I vowed to start posting more in order to get back my privileges.
Still no direct dialogue with people, just posting my opinion in the least confrontational way possible. For awhile I thought no one was even reading my posts. Then people started to directly reply to my posts.
I didn’t reply back. Often I had nothing to say. They made good points and I couldn’t counter them. Other times the topic had gotten a thousand more posts overnight and I didn’t see the need to reply to a post 50 pages back.
But I always checked my posts, just to see if peoplehad replied.
Then I noticed some people had ‘liked’ my forum profile. ‘Why?’ I thought, ‘There’s nothing there!’ And indeed there wasn’t, not even a profile picture, just a few things under interests and a single sentence on how I used to be a lurker. My first thought was that people may have accidently clicked the like button. Then I thought maybe someone was just going around ‘liking’ things they didn’t find offensive. ‘Hey this girl likes videogames! I like video games too!’ *clicks like*
Then I saw the people who had viewed my profile, well respected and active people on the forum. I thought maybe they were checking up on me but other people started to view my profile too.
I began to really enjoy posting my opinions and hearing other’s responses so much that a few days ago, when I finally reached the posting limit to get my privileges back I decided I would keep on trying to post as often as I could.
Then I got into an argument with someone that derailed the thread.
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